Welcome to my new on site blog. Now I just need time to post. Balance is a funny thing. In theory it seems so obvious and simple, yet in practice not. I wonder why I seem to have this disconnect between theory and practice. How can something so obvious be so elusive? For the last fifteen months I have been working steadily to expand Mother’s presence through me out into the world. A few weeks ago a woman from Singapore contacted me to purchase CDs after having watched Mother on You Tube. Wow I thought Singapore, and right on it’s tail, I thought Yikes! Singapore. I have been comfortably hiding out, revealing myself to only a few at a time for fourteen years. Yet coming out of hiding feels right for me now. The part that wants to run screaming back into the cave and hide keeps upsetting the see-saw. I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m scared. Up and down I go where I’ll stop nobody knows. What I do know is that my hideout has become stifling and stale. But what’s out there? My little girl is afraid people will be mean to me and make fun of me and I will feel ashamed. But my adult cares less and less what others think of what I do or don’t do. What has become a priority for me is making sure I am following Mother’s guidance for my life. This has been growing in me slowly and gently since She first came to me so many years ago.
Lately being out of balance feels as though I don’t have enough time to do all the things I need to do to keep this blossoming moving forward and not stalling out as has happened so much in my past. I forget that things and people can wait, mainly myself. If I am consistent, as Mother encourages me to be, and I keep showing up, it will all get done in the time it needs to get done. I fall into thinking it has to happen NOW! If not, everything will fall apart. As if something Mother helped me build could be destroyed so easily. She helps me stop and remember how strong our foundation is and then the see-saw comes back into balance, I take a deep breath, and all the tasks get finished in a surprisingly short period of time. I am my own time bandit. I am still awestruck by how dramatic a change takes place when I surrender my fear to Mother. My life feels different in every way. Nothing and no one changes outside me, only I shift within and it’s all new and easy. I love this life. I have to say, it is never dull with Mother. She makes time my friend and ally. Now if I can just give up my fearful, thieving ways, this expansion will go o.k.
