People used to tell me often that I was hard on myself. It always took me by surprise. I couldn’t see it. I thought I was being strong and forthright. After years of internal shifting I am kinder to myself and no one tells me I am hard on myself any more. This past weekend I had a new surprise. As I was saying my good byes after a Constellation workshop many people thanked me for being emotionally courageous. Some told me I inspired them. Being open with my emotions out in the world is normal for me now, but it wasn’t always. I used to be shut down and numb to what was going on inside myself. It was one more gift, after a weekend of gifts, to be reminded of how far I have evolved emotionally.
My friend Marina McDonald with her partner Daniel Salisbury, has embarked upon Movements of Love. It is a blending of Constellation and Hakomi methods of healing. I encourage you to explore their website www.movementsoflove.org. I have never experienced anything like it. It opened me to a profound shift in consciousness on every level. The work, as I understand it, is designed to bring about ancestral healing. Until this weekend, I had been unaware of the importance the energy of my ancestors played in my life. We are not taught in this culture to honor our ancestors. Coming from an difficult childhood I never felt I honored my parents. I loved them and had forgiven them to a great degree, but there was no honor in my experience of my family. The work facilitates a coming together of all the ancestors in ones family to bring about healing and connection that the absence of, now feels to me, the cause of much of the difficulty we face in our modern societies. We have cut ourselves off form our most powerful earthly allies. I am grateful beyond words for what has opened as a result.
The best part of it all is the knowing that it was time. I now allow myself to be open to Mother Mary’s timing of things in my life. In my experience She is much better at arranging things than am I. I had done the Constellation work on two previous occasions and while I felt the significance of it I did not have as deep an experience as I did this past weekend. On Saturday I had a constellation of my own. Mother Mary cracked me wide open in preparation for it. I woke up sick with a cold on Friday. Not so sick to keep me home, but sick enough to keep my defenses low. Everything about it felt right. I felt safe and carried throughout the whole weekend. What I needed was provided. Because of that, I was free to open fully to what was there for me to receive. Now rolling around on the floor crying may not be your idea of a good time, but for me it is life giving.
Today I have a different experience of my father and mother. The pool of acceptance and love for them is deeper and wider than before. But the best part is I can feel it all. No more am I numb to my life and all it’s unique grandeur. I’m grateful for my life and for all of you who share it with me.
Namaste’
